This Week In Sex: The Flaming Lips Are NSFW

We have a lot to cover this week, so let's make like an American male and skip the foreplay:

This will change our lives forever or until we get some action: sexual positions for the lonely.

What happens when you're one of the lonely people picture above, need real sex, and have run out of cell phone minutes? Obviously, since you are from Florida, you dial 911.

As if China doesn't have enough terrifying problems with knockoffs, now people are apparently manufacturing fake condoms. Shudder.

Remember that story from yesterday about Orly Taitz, the wackadoodle who has no evidence whatsoever that the President was born outside of Hawaii? The story about how Orly allegedly asked two guys to perjure themselves for her cause? One of them filed an affidavit or something that called her, also for no reason, "hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter, more of a nympho than I've ever met in my life." So, she has that going for after this is all over.

It's not sex, but it's sexy: Beyonce popped out one of her nipples. Oh come on, we know you clicked on this post hoping that's what you'd find...

We caught the Flaming Lips in New Orleans over Halloween weekend. They came out on stage through a television screen that was projecting an image of a naked woman spreading her legs. On a related note, here's their new video.

Is it weird to put the story of a 10-year-old boy in This Week In Sex? Whatever, any excuse to post about him: "Will Phillips has decided that he cannot in good conscience pledge allegiance to the flag as long as the country for which it stands refuses legal equality to its GLBT citizens." Hell yes.

And a Scanner week is never complete without an Amy Winehouse story-- this time, it's about her butt implant plans. Now whiskey Friday can begin.