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Death Bear Will Destroy All Evidence of Your Failed Relationships

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Death Bear is a new program much like the Lacuna Corporation from Eternal Sunshine, except it’s not part of a movie and actually does remove unwanted reminders of an ex from your apartment.

Also, Death Bear is called Death Bear because it involves a Bear… of Death.

The Club Animals website explains this strange phenomenon, which can be experienced free of charge tomorrow and Saturday in New York City:

We all have someone or something we would rather just forget. Things fall apart. Love hurts. Dreams die. But when you summon Death Bear to your door, you can rest assured that help has come. At first you may be intimidated by his stature and color (7 feet tall with a hard, black bear head, black jumpsuit, and black boots), but absorbing the memories of others is a dark art, and Death Bear must present himself appropriately for this solemn duty.

Death Bear will take things from you that trigger painful memories and stow them away in his cave where they will remain forever allowing you to move on with your life. Give him an ex’s clothes, old photos, mementos, letters, etc. Death Bear is here to assist you in your time of tragedy, heartbreak, and loss… [Club Animals NYC]

It’s like a swap meet, except the only thing you’ll get in trade is a creepy memory of a strange man in a bear costume at your door for no apparent reason.