Nine Thoughts On the Lady Gaga Comic Book

1. Look people, we all know I love Lady Gaga (that full-back tattoo would be pretty stupid if I didn't!), but please...let's not do this.

2. Could they have possibly picked a Lady Gaga picture to hastily rotoscope that was more boring?

3. Not for a woman who once wore Kermit the Frog, no.

4. She seems to be missing a belly button. Two times is a coincidence, but three times IS A CONSPIRACY. Hide your midriffs, everyone. They're coming.

5. Will she have a superpower? Will she have the power to shoot lazers from her eyes? Shape shift!? Control the wind with her Disco Stick!?

6. This is the first in a lineup that includes Taylor Swift, David Beckham, and 50 Cent, because we don't really know enough about these people yet, obviously.

7. I can already guess the big twist at the end: in early 2008, Christina Aguilera's psyche split into two distinct personalities: Christina, mild-mannered pop star, and Lady Gaga, a centuries-old alien ruler from across the galaxy. With a talent for hot beats!

8. Who is the target demographic for this, exactly? "Lady Gaga fans who are also comic book collectors" is the obvious one, but I'm...not sure they exist. People who have listened to "Bad Romance" so many times they don't know where they are anymore? The blind? Lady Gaga's mom? (Bingo.)

9. If you need me, I'll be crying into my copy of X-Men: God Loves, Man Kills (absorbent pages) while giving the rest of my comic book collection a proper Viking funeral. Shut it down, everyone. It's done.

Via EW.