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Illusions Shattered: Everything About Jersey Shore Is Fake

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I can’t believe it. I’m in shock right now, I want to cry but the tears just won’t come. Everything I’ve been basing my world around — namely, that Jersey Shore is a reality show and therefore REAL and not FAKE — turns out to be a giant, stupid lie. My life is over, and don’t tell me that things will look better tomorrow because they won’t, they just won’t.

First of all, Jennifer “JWOWWWWWWWWWWWWW” Farley AND Snooki turn out not to even be Italian? WTF? So basically, they’ve just been running around using the G-word, and it’s not even okay for them to say it! You can only say “Guido” if you are a Guido, unless you are John Mayer and then you can do whatever the hell you want, free hood pass bro.

WAIT BUT IT GETS WORSE! It turns out that time Ronnie got into a fight (that one time) with that douchebag that was on him and Sammi at the boardwalk and even though Ronnie pushed Sammi to get her big mouth to shut up, we were still like “go Ronnie!” because he was really defending her honor or something and p.s. that guy was just being a BIG JERK. Well, as it turns out, that wasn’t the entire scene:

Yikes. Ronnie can definitely not say “faggot.” Unless he himself is gay, and using it as a term of endearment (that’s how it works, right?). Or if he’s John Mayer. Today is just the worst day ever for finding out that Jersey Shore is as fake as JWOWW’s boobs.