The Best And Worst Ways Saturday Night Live Could Use Betty White

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The "Get Betty White On Saturday Night Live" movement has been picking up steam – enough to get the amazing woman herself to comment on it (sorry guys, no nudity). This is exciting, of course, and it seems like the kind of thing the new, Internet-friendlier SNL might actually act on. But if they do listen to reason, we have a whole new bag of problems to deal with. White's natural comic timing and willingness to call herself a whore guarantee that she'll be worthwhile, but the same can't be said about the skits, especially considering the shows current reliance on recurring sketches. Below, our suggestions for the best and worst ways to use Betty White.

Best: The Lawrence Welk Show

I'm thinking Kristin Wiig's "creepy baby hands" character has maybe one more skit in her. After that James Franco appearance (which proved that while he can do many, many things, singing isn't one of them), why not hand the reins over to someone who knows her way around a variety show. It helps that she actually could have been on the real Lawrence Welk Show.

Worst: Gillybettywhite-tm

Everything with Gilly is terrible. Moving on.

Best: Celebrity Jeopardy

Would bringing back Will Ferrell for this sketch be a big deal? Yes. But people, so is Betty Motherfuckin' White! And yeah, a classic like this one pretty much guarantees a few laughs for old times' sake, but White knows her way around a celebrity game show or twenty. And she plays a great ditz, as my shrine to Rose Nylund should attest.

Worst: Surprise Lady

Here's the thing – a lot of Kristin Wiig's sketches require the audience pay her almost all the attention. Betty White's time is like fresh water 200 years in the future: wasting it is punishable by death.

Best: The Kissing Family

The first step in this process is recognizing that most recurring sketches on SNL maaaaaaybe shouldn't be. How many times can you watch someone get introduced to a family that gets way into each other's business? The answer to that question, of course, is exactly as many times as it takes to see Betty White get to first base with half of the SNL staff. You know she's up to it.

betty-white-aWorst: Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals

There would be nothing for her to do here.


Unless she played Mark Wahlberg instead of Andy Samberg.

Best: Weekend Update

Betty White is the most entertaining when she is playing "Betty White." She's like the older, female version of Neil Patrick Harris in Harold and Kumar – dirty, bad-mouthed, and a total bitch. If they can't come up with someone else for her to play, just get her to play herself! In fact, I would watch an hour and a half of just that.

Best: Parody Show

They're going to want to do something with Golden Girls. Resist that impulse. You're professionals, people, so look beyond the obvious: Golden Palace. Get it done.

Musical Guest?

Something tasteful. Ghostface Killah?