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Video Of The Day: Republican Vampire To Run For President

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One of my favorite crazy people in the whole world, Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey, has announced his bid for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination in 2012. The Impaler was last in the news for his engagement to a 16-year-old Minneapolis ‘vampyre,’ a relationship that ended with a restraining order and statutory rape charges, (although Sharkey maintains they didn’t have sex, just, you know, drank each other’s blood). In the last decade, he has made a number of ridiculous bids for office across the country; his platform always hits the big conservative points (he’s anti-abortion, pro-veteran, etc.) with a dash of blood-sucking and impaling thrown in for good measure.

This video is partly funny because he’s a 40-something with a ponytail who brags about dating girls under twenty, but also because the local Republican party seems pretty lukewarm about endorsing him. Instead of running away from him screaming, the rep in the video admits that Sharkey “does have Republican values,” while conceding that the bloodsucking thing might be a bit of a prob. Shoot big guys, 2012 is right around the corner.