Image of the Day: The Sperm Spectrum

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Faster than a speeding bullet, or at least a Peruvian jaguar (but still slower than a dirty gutterpunk working a bike messenger job), it’s semen!

No one likes to talk about sperm, not even the creepiest jerk-off artist on the public transit system, but why not? We talk about everything else that has to do with sex on these pages, leaving poor E. Jack out to dry. Pun intended.

This is important scientific stuff — except for the part about Papa New Guinea, which should be announced on the State Department website so we never accidentally book a trip there. Shudder.