VA Politician Writes Erotic Fiction As Fundraising Letter

Well it sounds like erotic fiction. District Supervisor Eugene Delgaudio claims he wanted to warn his constituents about the Homosexual Agenda, but his letter seems to have missed the Crazytown stop and made it all the way into Sexual Fantasyville. Check it:

One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I'd heard something was up and wanted to see for myself.

As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses.

Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined.

Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling.

My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press.

Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, "Delgaudio what are you doing here?" Dozens of men began moving toward me. I'd been recognized.

As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, "This time Delgaudio we can't lose."

Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

Am I drunkenly stumbling into a Nativity scene? Because this feels like Christmas right now.

So you drove to this deserted warehouse because you heard that "something" was up and you wanted to "see for yourself"? Did you...did you think this was Scooby Doo? Because this isn't Scooby Doo, Eugene Delgaudio! People don't drive around abandoned warehouses hoping to crack a laughably unreal mystery. But let's supend disbelief a bit longer, shall we?

And then you saw a bunch of guys with earrings — and I'm guessing they were buff guys, because of those forklifts and, um, "inserters" they were operating — so naturally you went into the warehouse. ("Trembling" all the while.) Which is where you stumbled upon the stronghold of the Homosexual Agenda. It had perfect cover, because why would the Homosexual Agenda have their stronghold in Sterling, Virginia? (No, really, why?)

But then! You were spotted by a dark-haired man. Once everyone realized it was you, Eugene Delgaudio, the man whose face they all new and probably thought about at night during "alone time", dozens of the buff (and probably wet, because you mentioned a storm) men moved towards you... their rippling muscles... their long, shiny locks... surrounding you... closer... and closer...

Sorry, um... I need to be alone for moment.

Via Towleroad.