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FDA: Nuts Are Not Milk, Stop Calling Nuts Milk

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Sorry about that. But really, the National Milk Producers Federation needs to stop telling us how to live our lives. First they tell us that we should only be drinking 2% or skim (saying nothing of heavy cream), then we find out they’re pumping us full of major league steroids, and now non-milk milk is not milk? Where am I supposed to get my nut nutrients now? Where?

Now that FDA announced that soy milk, rice milk, and almond milk are not allowed have the word milk attached to them anymore, milk substitute producers are in a tizz. Apparently the term is reserved for lactating mammals, i.e. cows, sheep, goats, or water buffalo, etc. You know, the basics. It’s understandable that the milk lobby is trying to help the lactose-intolerant avoid confusion and make mad coin at the expensive of Silk in the process, but people are still annoyed. This is probably because they’ll have to think about minor changes in wording the next time they’re in the dairy aisle. Also, because of the huge financial losses imitation milk producers face in the near future. (Sorry, Rice Dream.)

What should we call this stuff now? Rosanna Scotto suggests, “Soy jizzum.”