The White House Correspondents’ Dinner? More like the White-House-And-The-Press-Are-Weird-Best-Friends Dinner! (High-fives around the world.) We’re not here to talk about that, though. This is a recap of the best and worst jokes from Saturday night’s dinner. We broke it down by speaker to make it more readable, and also so that you can direct your hatred towards Leno in a more efficient fashion. (Also: why Leno? It makes about as much sense, president-wise, as Colbert speaking in 2006. Is WHCD Day also Opposite Day?) Whatever! Zings are below. You decide who came out on top.
"I am glad to know that the only person whose rating fell more than mine last year is here tonight — great to see you, Jay."
"I happen to know that my approval ratings are still very high in the country of my birth."
"I had my heart set on the Nobel prize…for physics. You can’t win them all."
(Paraphrased: something something Jersey Shore/ Snooki/ J-Wow/ and John Boehner [R-Ohio] is really tan.)
"If you do not like the ruling of your death panel, you can appeal."
"I saw Michael Steele backstage – aka, Notorious GOP. Michael, who knows truly what’s plagues Americans today: Taxation without representin’." [This should provoke nervous sobbing.]
"Republicans in a bondage club: republicans don’t want lesbians getting married but they do want to watch them tie the knot."
"The president has the most diverse staff in history: they represent every ward in Chicago."
"Sometimes the press can be one-sided. As you mentioned, all during the election they asked things like ‘Is Obama black enough? Is Obama too black? It’s never the other way around. It’s never, ‘Is John Boehner orange enough? It he too orange?’" [Haha, we love all these jokes about this really shitty guy being tan or something.]
Fun. But the best/strangest part of the night happened off-camera. Chevy Chase was in the audience and this actually happened:
That’s right, the Secret Service had a long talk about how on earth Chase "even got that close in the first place." They couldn’t figure it out. We should have known that in spite of that night’s speakers, performers and the entire Hollywood elite in attendance, Chevy Chase would be there, naturally make himself seen and heard, and usurp the title of Greatest Clown. Winner: Chevy Chase.