Rollercoaster Tycoon: The Lamest Relic Of Your Childhood, The Movie

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When I was twelve-years-old I spent a good deal of the time (all of it) playing Rollercoaster Tycoon in my room. I would just sit in front of my big awful Dell playing it for hours on end until I went to bed. (I win at childhood.) Whole days were spent dreaming up the perfect roller coaster, the most central location for snack stands, and of course waiting to see how the little computer men would respond to my ride. Would they cheer or would they turn green and throw up? These were all questions. However, I told no one this. Literally, no one. My mom didn’t even know what I was doing on the computer all those hours: "I’m Word-documenting, mom!" Haha, the early aughts.

Point being, twelve-year-old me knew this was lame – a secret that you keep in the sad drawer of your mind – yet Sony Pictures does not. Sony Pictures is making it into a movie and attaching two Kevin James’ writers and the guy who directed The Karate Kid remake to the project. (I heard Oliver Stone was busy.) Hooray! Nerds, get ready to have your now-comfortable, grown-up psyches broken.