There is no amount of oil or leather you could put on Rihanna that would make her look less good. There are only degrees of more good-looking with Rihanna. Dress her up in chain mail, throw on some leather gloves, make her hair do that faux-hawk thing and she will likely oblige you and roll on the floor like a totally hot and complicit barbie doll. For the past few years, Rihanna has been a complete non-opinion-having enigma to me. I’ve never heard her express feelings in one way or another, she never seems to try in live performances, and her whole hip-hop goth persona is completely constructed. Which is fine – all pop stars have people that dress them and style their hair and decide what their "thing" is going to be; Britney’s thing was bubble gum something, Christina is an empowered prostitute, Gaga is a Narnian sex monster, and Ke$ha is an angry sexy baby. But they all seem to like their character and work pretty hard at keeping it up. I guess I just wish Rihanna would lose that glazed-over expression she wears all the time and, like, emote for once. But here she is, acting a rockstar, ’cause that’s what her thing is.