81% Of Women Say Their Sex Lives Are Predictable

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George Clooney in his pool…yeah, because not ever getting laid is pretty predictable.

According to a new and, of course, 100%-accurate survey, women in the US of A report as follows:

-63% of female marrieds prefer to catch some extra shut-eye instead of hanky panky, all three minutes of extra time (yuk yuk.) They would also choose "catching up on books" over "catching up on sexually connecting with my partner," which is probably skewed a bit based on the fact that Bill O’Reilly has another erotic novel in the works.

-48% of married women say their husbands weren’t even their favorite sex partner in the first place. (Of course, may we remind you that people who marry someone they have amazing sex with are far more statistically likely to get divorced. Oh, and they also have the lousiest marital relations, according to indisputable SCIENCE.) 

The majority (81 percent!!!) of women in the [2,000-person] survey say their sex lives are predictable, based on location, position, time of day, duration, and foreplay … Which is why it’s not surprising that 62 percent of them said they fantasized about having sex with somebody else. Well, if somebody’s going to be halfheartedly plugging away at you in the mish posish, it’s no surprise when a young woman’s fancy turns to thoughts of George Clooney. [Lemondrop]

Really? That Clooney guy? Maybe this isn’t satisfying women anymore… we still think they’re thinking about Rudolph Valentino…