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For Some Reason, I Watched the MTV Movie Awards Last Night

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Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johannson kiss at the MTV Movie Awards

Question: was the MTV Movie Awards a sad attempt to make viral videos, an awkward celebration of the fifth-grade thrill of cursing, or a two-hour-long commercial for Twilight: Eclipse?

Answer: Yes!

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, the MTV Movie Awards are still slogging on, and if you didn’t know, let me tell you that it slogged all over my TV screen last night for a painful few hours. We could talk about the winners (Twilight, Twilight, and in a shocking upset, Twilight) and the losers (everyone else but especially me for watching it), but the actual awards seem so inconsequential it doesn’t seem important. All you need to know is that Sandra Bullock kissed Scarlett Johannson (see above photo) and that MTV censors have stopped caring about their job.

But if you missed it and you actually feel bad about missing it, let me give you this brief but truly all-encompassing summary:

Fuck fuck fucking BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP Twilight fuck fuck shit BLEEEEEEEP Twilight Twilight fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. (Twilight!)

You’re welcome!

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