Marguerite Perrin

You knew this was coming -- but I bet you thought Pat Robertson was going to say it, didn't you? Whoever had Joseph Herrin in the Crazy Christian Of The Week Office Pool, step forward to claim your $3 bill prize.

Here's his analysis of what caused the oil spill. Note he doesn't mention BP or Halliburton once!

It has been widely broadcast that the largest Planned Parenthood abortion clinic in the nation has been built in Houston, TX. This six story tall (six is the number of the flesh man [ed. what??]) abortion supercenter was opened in May, just a short time before the Deepwater Horizon oil disaster began. [Jezebel]

I think he's referring to the Devil when he mentions the #6 -- right? Anyway, let's think of some other things that happened in May to piss off God that are just as likely to have made him prevent BP from installing a simple fucking on-off switch:

1) A Muslim won Miss America! Clearly, Big Invisible Bearded Man was furious and thought, "This is the only way to undo this injustice -- but polluting the beautiful fucking Gulf."

2) Glenn Beck was allowed to remain on the air at Fox News, even though he's lost a huge number of his advertisers. God clearly thinks someone else should have that airtime -- like, well, anyone.

3) Lost ended. Clearly, God has nothing better to do with his time now, so he blew up an oil ring to amuse himself. (You'll note we didn't say "God hated the ending of 'Lost'" because, unlike many people, God actually understood the very simple show.)

Sorry, we can't think of anything funny here. This is just too damn depressing.

P.S. Christians are not the problem here -- many of them care deeply about the spill and are helping with the cleanup. The problem, as with anything in America, is with the crazy division.



Commentarium (5 Comments)

Jun 11 10 - 11:08am

Didn't Deepwater Horizon explode before Lost ended? I Found a flaw in this argument!

Jun 11 10 - 11:09am

"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring." ~Chuck Palahniuk
Obviously we need to hire new writers.

Jun 11 10 - 11:32am

Me, you're right. It did. But maybe he was just getting angry about that whole Sideways storyline and wanted some goddamn answers.

Jun 11 10 - 12:15pm

Get down on your knees and pray, you sinners, and while your mouths are wide open....

Jul 08 10 - 2:28am
maria- charlotte nc

This is from the website ROSARY FOR THE UNBORN:

Important Message Regarding the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill and Abortion on Saturday, June 5, 2010:

"I am your Jesus, born Incarnate. I have come to notify the world that there is significant meaning to the oil spill off the coastline of your nation. The waters seem irreversibly polluted. Innocent bystanders watch as their livelihoods slip away."

"... See MoreSo it is with the heart of your nation which has been polluted by sin. The sin of abortion snatches innocent lives from the womb. Worthy leaders have been killed in the womb and continue to be sacrificed in this way. Your country has sacrificed its independence through a financial crisis which could have been avoided. Instead, polluted hearts led the nation off course."

"In the Gulf of Mexico pollution is further weakening your economy. What was given to your country by God as pristine, is now greatly compromised by error. In your nation, what was founded 'Under God' is now compromised by man's choices against Holy Love."

"Your nation will not meet with success or prosper in its attempts to be free from God's influence; instead, God will continue to weaken this once great nation. It was founded as a haven for religious freedom; it is becoming a haven of sin."

"The Remnant, who live in the truth, must persevere in prayer and sacrifice. I desire to save, not to destroy. I desire your welfare, not your demise."

"Make this message known." (Message from Jesus, June 5, 2010)