You knew this was coming — but I bet you thought Pat Robertson was going to say it, didn’t you? Whoever had Joseph Herrin in the Crazy Christian Of The Week Office Pool, step forward to claim your $3 bill prize.
Here’s his analysis of what caused the oil spill. Note he doesn’t mention BP or Halliburton once!
It has been widely broadcast that the largest Planned Parenthood abortion clinic in the nation has been built in Houston, TX. This six story tall (six is the number of the flesh man [ed. what??]) abortion supercenter was opened in May, just a short time before the Deepwater Horizon oil disaster began. [Jezebel]
I think he’s referring to the Devil when he mentions the #6 — right? Anyway, let’s think of some other things that happened in May to piss off God that are just as likely to have made him prevent BP from installing a simple fucking on-off switch:
1) A Muslim won Miss America! Clearly, Big Invisible Bearded Man was furious and thought, "This is the only way to undo this injustice — but polluting the beautiful fucking Gulf."
2) Glenn Beck was allowed to remain on the air at Fox News, even though he’s lost a huge number of his advertisers. God clearly thinks someone else should have that airtime — like, well, anyone.
3) Lost ended. Clearly, God has nothing better to do with his time now, so he blew up an oil ring to amuse himself. (You’ll note we didn’t say "God hated the ending of ‘Lost’" because, unlike many people, God actually understood the very simple show.)
Sorry, we can’t think of anything funny here. This is just too damn depressing.
P.S. Christians are not the problem here — many of them care deeply about the spill and are helping with the cleanup. The problem, as with anything in America, is with the crazy division.