Video: The Eleven Traps That Child Predators Use

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I think it was a really bold choice to cast actual child molesters as child molesters. It gives the video an uncomfortable sense of verite, you know?

I think this video has some very practical tips and an important message. In fact, I’ll reiterate the eleven things to avoid in print, because they are that critical:

Helping: I avoid helping anyone at all times, as I consider helping to be the first step on the road to COMMUNISM.

Bribing: I’m less concerned about this one. (I like money and grilled-cheese sandwiches. Hint hint.)

Being Famous: This seldom works out to your benefit (please see photographic evidence at right).

Having Fun: Is for unpopular people.

Getting a Job: How bourgeois.

Being a Playmate: For one thing, you probably have to dye your hair blond. For another, it can be terribly difficult if you don’t have an identical twin sister with whom you sometimes makeout.

Emergency: This one should be obvious.

Affection: Chances are, this will only make you weak. And we all know the one who cares less in a relationship is the one with all the power.

Authority: You can’t tell me what to do oh my God you’re so stupid GET OUT OF MY ROOM.

Hero: I know this breaks the internal logic of this post, but really, how is a guy who wants to photograph you in the back his truck after a few wine coolers a "hero"? Get yourself together, PSA video.

Threats: I find it makes a much stronger statement if you don’t threaten to cut off someone’s finger, you just do it.

Now commit these to memory, you guys.

Via BestWeekEver.