While many of us have spent years thinking, "Perez Hilton should really go to jail for his crimes against good taste/the English language/women/humanity," law enforcement officials apparently did not feel quite as strongly.
(I know this for a fact, having once gone down to my local precinct with some printed out screen shots. "Okay, those murders sound really important, I’ll give you that because you made a good case," I remember saying, "but Officer, this monster draws semen on people’s faces with Microsoft Paint!")
So what did Hilton actually have to do to get the nice people with the handcuffs interested in his neon-haired self? Oh, you know, just post some up-skirt pictures of Miley Cyrus on Sunday night. I can understand making that mistake, you know? I mean, how illegal can it be to post photos of a seventeen-year-old’s genita — sorry, what’s that? Extremely, totally illegal? And inherently morally reprehensible? Oh, okay. According to a defense attorney interviewed by Salon:
We’re not talking about a misdemeanor. You don’t have to know what the definition of the law is, all you have to do is knowingly distribute the photograph…
Of course, the DA also mentions that he might not get prosecuted simply because "his name is Perez Hilton." So let’s hope that doesn’t happen; otherwise, we might have to burn down the internet.