Fourteen Thoughts On Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” Video

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1. For a song as mind-numbingly literal as "California Gurls", why isn’t the video even set in California?!

2. Jeez, Snoop Dogg. Do you remember this? Or even this? Get a hold of yourself, man.

3. Of course, Perry also didn’t kiss a girl in the video for "I Kissed A Girl." I guess she’s all about subverting your expectations.

4. Or she just does whatever bright, shiny idea has most recently distracted her.

5. Is "melt your popsicle" even sexy? Is it not…erectile dysfunction-y?

6. "Fine, fresh, fierce" sounds the like tag-line of a Dove Body Wash commercial that ran on Lifetime in 2006.

7. Sexy ladies trapped in candy: fetish video creepy, or Silence of the Lambs creepy?

8. I should really call my dentist’s office.

9. I do appreciate how it seems like an omnipotent Snoop Dogg is doing everything in his power to inconvenience Perry.

10. Do I even have to explain why the following shot is horrifying?

No. Nope.

11. Love that other girl’s face, though.

12. In an informal poll I just conducted with over zero Californians, they were not put at ease by Perry’s claim to be "representin’" their home state.

13. Poor Perry – she can’t even be the first to rip off Madonna’s cone bra idea this month:

"GAGAAAAAAA!" – Katy Perry

14. Current spot on the iTunes Most Downloaded Singles list: 1.

Via Vulture.