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Scanner Highs And Lows: My World Cup Runneth Over

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We’re conflicted about the World Cup. On the one hand, some of the games have been fantastic (working from home does have its benefits — that USA-Slovenia game today was an all-time classic), with seesawing scores and surprise goals by the truckload. Then there’s the other side of the sport: the fans and their disgusting racism (against their own team!), the vuvuzela racket that could easily be remedied by banning the goddamn things at games, and, well, the fact that scoreless or tie games are a huge letdown.

But there are plenty of other reasons to watch, and so we do, often neglecting our other duties. Here’s what else went on this week when we weren’t paying attention:

 

HIGHS:

Cool overload: Conan O’Brien, Jack White, Nashville, record albums.

We have to hand it to Megan Fox — having sex with a naked mannequin based on your likeness is a sexy step up.

We were tempted to put this in the "lows," mainly because of the "disgusting" elements at the story’s center, but the idea of Perez Hilton going to jail certainly lifted our spirits.

You politely requested more male nudity and we agreed. The only thing ever holding us back was the fact that male celebrities aren’t getting naked for magazines all that often. Compromise: the World Naked Bike Ride.

OK Go — the only lame band that still makes us eagerly anticipate their every music video.

And we raised our fists on a football field in salute to the "Breakfast Club" porn "parody."

 

LOWS:

It’s hard enough to convince people that the g-spot exists — now this thing is just going to confuse the issue further.

Ladies, your boobs are all wrong.

We love "True Blood:, even if they tease us with their gay almost-kisses.

#15: Why would anyone want to marry that Jack Sparrow wannabe Russell Brand?

And it’s been a series of ugly misfires for OK Cupid lately: their latest involves insulting their users’ looks by sending some a flattering mass e-mail and leaving out everyone else.