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The Daily Mail Advances Craziest World Cup Loss Explanation Ever

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I’m starting to worry about the people who work at the Daily Mail. I know we (by we I mean everyone) like to poke fun at them for their hyperbolic style, shamelessness, and occasional racist undertones. But what if there’s something actually wrong? Like, in their heads? Because this is just not normal:

This was an actual story in an actual newspaper. (Well, "newspaper.") And, I mean… they’re not 100% wrong. This was Rooney before the World Cup:

And this was Rooney during:

So at least their eyesight is still in good shape. But reading the article, I felt like their collective tongue was firmly not in their cheek, and like maybe someone should check the CO2 levels in the Mail headquarters.

On the other hand, if we can now use the Bible as a source text for why a team lost the World Cup, then I’d like to posit that team USA only lost because Landon Donovan spilled his seed before sleeping with his brother’s wife.

Via Towleroad.