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The Five Worst Renditions of “The Star-Spangled Banner” On YouTube

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Dear Benjamin Franklin, I am so, so sorry. As we in the US head off into this long weekend, sure to be full of beer, burgers, and trips to the burn unit, it’s important to remember what this holiday is about. It’s also important to remember that you’ll probably have to sing the national anthem at some point. Don’t do it like these people did.

 1. "Hand Farting The Star Spangled Banner"

I guess if I had to call the above action anything, it would probably be "hand farting", but I’m kind of sad that there is an actual term for this.

2. "God Bless Roseanne" 

Before anyone says I hate America or something, I’d like to point out that I’m using the titles of the videos as provided by the uploader. This classic of the "ways not to sing the national anthem" genre is also (probably) the only intentionally awful one on the list. Whether that makes it better or worse is up for debate.

3. "star spangled christina"

In general I am against these stale, MIDI-file-sounding "techno" remixes of anything, ever. But the generic sexy lady unenthusiastically dancing to it really adds to the decorum of the clip, don’t you think?

4. "DOG SINGS STAR SPANGLE [sic] BANNER!!"

Silly dog. Don’t you realize that while we are celebrating our freedom from our British ex-overlords, you are still enslaved to human kind? When will dogs get their Independence Day?! That being said, I don’t even think this dog got one word right. For shame.

5. "Worst National Anthem in Chattanooga Tennesse"

By far the most amusing to watch. Let this man be a cautionary tale for us all. These are the lyrics. At least try and skim over them if you know you’ll have to sing it. Good luck, everyone.