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SC Senate Nominee Makes The Most Confusing Case Ever Why He’s Not A Joke

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Alvin Greene

Senate nominee mystery weirdo Alvin Greene gave a very telling/not telling at all interview to The Guardian in a profile that both colored in his character, while convincing us that there can be no Alvin Greene, only shadows.

The South Carolina Democratic party was sent into a tailspin from which it is still recovering. Where did this Alvin Greene come from? He had never run for public office and had no experience of political campaigning. He doesn’t own a computer and uses the one at the local library. He didn’t have a website through which to marshal his troops. Come to think of it, he didn’t have any troops. He had no mobile phone or donors, though he did print flyers. His name recognition among South Carolinians was close to zero.

So that’s it. He must be a plant, right? A Republican plant like everyone’s been saying. He has no money, influence or political history. Plus, does he have any history at all? Or is he just a shadow inside of a Russian nesting doll, inside of a Russian nesting doll, inside of the body of guy who can barely speak?

I’m starting to get the impression that the Alvin Greene-as-Forrest Gump narrative is falling wide of the mark. How about the line that he is a Republican plant? In that case, how to explain the certificate that he proudly points to on the wall for the politics degree he gained at university? Or the fact that he spent 13 years in the military, in both the army and air force, and though he was involuntarily discharged (no one yet knows why), it was honourably so. Or the tell-tale signs that he was brought up by his parents and teachers to respect public service – the line of plastic model presidents from Washington to Nixon that his late mother collected, lining the mantelpiece, and the photograph of an eight-year-old Alvin asking for the autograph of Charles Bolden, then a general in the military and now the administrator of Nasa. Conspiracy theorists have pointed to the $10,400 registration fee Greene had to pay to run, and questioned how he could afford it – to which he says simply he had saved up from his long military career.

Wait, what? Seriously? This from the guy who earlier in the interview said, "Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls," who made this famously inscrutable Keith Olbermann appearance. Could this guy be the real deal? ("Real deal" as in the man is honestly running for Senate, not "real deal" as in the man is fit to run for Senate. Democrats asked him to step down. He said no.)

Via The Guardian