8 reasons to date against your type

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Andrea Syrtash He's Just Not Your TypeI interviewed author and dating expert Andrea Syrtash about the kind of reverse dating she trumpets in her book "He’s Just Not Your Type," which turns that cliche on its head by suggesting the reason we’re all single is because we keep trying to date what we think as our "our type." 

This, Syrtash, argues is a mistake — and here are are eight reasons to expand your dating horizons.

8. You don’t want to just settle down. "We’re settling when we go for superficial checklists on paper. My book is about focusing on the core values, what we really want in a person."

7. You think your dating life is cursed. "We all give ourselves what I call ‘love labels.’ ‘Always the friend,’ ‘unlucky in love’… then we prove it to be true. If you walk around saying there are no good guys left, you’ll collect evidence to prove that, because that’s your perspective."

6. You mistakenly think every date should be a good one. "Most dates are meant to fail — you’re not supposed to succeed in those dating scenarios. On the way to finding that one person, you’re going to fail, and you’re going to have to be resilient."

5. You’ve been taking dating advice from Tom Cruise vehicles. "Jerry Maguire said ‘you complete me,’ which is such a bad message for singles — that you’re waiting to meet your soulmate to complete you. You’re more likely to find love when you’re complete and whole and someone can compliment your already wonderful life."

4. You have a checklist and no one’s fitting the bill. "We get so focused on who the person is on paper, but I want to shift to the focus to who you are with him or her. He or she can seem great on paper, but it doesn’t matter unless you’re going to be fulfilled."

3. Your "dealbreakers" list is longer than your grocery list. "We’re all entitled to a few dealbreakers that really matter to us — for example, if checking out music brings you great joy. But what I’m trying to convey in this book is that you don’t have to share every single interest in the person you marry."

2. You’ve been in a holding pattern for years. "People tell me, ‘Nothing’s working,’ and it turns out they’re hanging out with the same people they’ve hung out with for five years at the same places. Take a few risks, pick up other single people for friendship and get them to introduce you to friends.

1. You’ve missed the key ingredient in what other people enjoy about you — your passions. "Think about what the kind of thing the person you’re passionate about and what you’re passionate about and go to that person."

More info on the book here.