Women who enjoy being nude will outlive us all

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Julianne Moore naked ass

You don't need any more reasons to go topless — everyone's going around naked, including people in New York, Austin, Venice Beach and Miami, according to this story. But now you have a really good reason to go naked in public, since you'll be more likely to outlive us all.

At least this finally explains the living phenomenon known as Keith Richards. 

Though it has long been known that genetics and a healthy lifestyle play an important role in human longevity, an exciting, vital new factor in the aging process has just been revealed – women who go topless live longer.

"According to our research, women can add ten, twenty, up to thirty years to their life, depending on how frequently and for what duration of time they uncover their breasts," states Dr. Andrew Mammarian, director of NOBRA – the National Organization of Breast Research Associates. "And the more they display them out in public, the longer they live."

"The results are frankly astounding," says Eleanor Zeitzer, founder of the International Institute of Aging Studies. And as a result, we've amended our company's dress code to allow female employees to work here topless. Almost all of them have taken advantage of this new freedom, and as an additional positive result, absenteeism of male employees is down to zero."  [Huffington Post]

All right, so what if humorist Mark C. Miller is just pulling our, um, chains? We think people who are more comfortable with their bodies (and accepting of themselves) obviously have a healthier outlook on life. This, as we've had drilled into our heads, is a big indicator of long-term survival and happiness. So, think about it for real… even if this story turned out to be made up.