A fearsome new candidate has emerged from last night's brutal primaries, defying the odds and the political establishment and coasting to a decisive victory. Her name is Christine O'Donnell, she is the GOP nominee for Senate out of Delaware, a Tea Party member, practically persona non grata in her own party, and scarier than a Rush Limbaugh-Ron Reagan crypt baby.
O'Donnell, for one thing, does not believe in masturbation. Sure, she believes it exists (easily-duped right-wing zealots believe pretty much anything you tell them), she probably just walked in on someone practicing the wacky whacking-off and never got it out of her mind. (Choice quote: "The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can't masturbate without lust.")
She lobbied Congress to create a program "advocating chastity" and is against premarital sex, porn of any kind, abortion, keeping the old and infirm alive, and Obamacare. I'm not certain on the "old and infirm" part, but based on how much the GOP hates her, I wouldn't be surprised if that was a rumor they tried to spread.
O'Donnell caused friction between Sarah Palin and Bill Kristol, to which I say, "Bring it on!" "I know," Kristol said, to our eternal laughter. "I respect Sarah Palin. And with all due respect — Christine O'Donnell is no Sarah Palin."
Now you know why the GOP is terrified of her nomination and their prospects for taking this seat in November. A few political pundits have already moved the race from Lean Republican to Lean Democrat based on how high her negatives are with anyone except people who think the Bible trumps every facet of the Constitution. America, this is your GOP candidate for Senate.