wo years ago, Ethan Watters proffered one of the politest "fuck you's" to conservative commentators in recent memory. It took the form of a New York Times article that coined the term "urban tribes." Then single and in his late twenties, Watters wrote the piece partially to refute the assumptions of marriage "experts" and right-wing pundits that his was a lifestyle fueled by solipsism and self-indulgence.

Like most of the thirty-seven million young Americans who are choosing to postpone marriage for their thirties and beyond, Watters belonged to a tight-knit group of friends that were, as he wrote, ?struggling to do something creative and support each other as they lived life between the families they grew up in and the families they might someday start for themselves.? Did they have extra free time on their hands? Certainly. Did they embrace hedonism? At times, like it was their best friend. But to Watters, these groups had value far beyond the guarantee that someone would be around to pass the hallucinogenic; that value suggested the urban tribe could even revitalize marriage.

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Almost instantly after the article was published, Watters became the spokesperson for "never marrieds," one of the fastest-growing groups in America. Apparently, he wasn?t the only one dissatisfied with reductive portrayals of his generation. Watters received hundreds of phone calls and emails from people eager to tell him about their own friend groups, be it a New York tribe that described itself as "the incest club," a group of "ultimate Frisbee-playing MBAs from Boston," or an L.A. tribe so racially diverse it "looked like the UN." In his new book, Urban Tribes, Watters relays many of these stories, along with comical memories from his own tribal days. He recently spoke with Nerve about the redemptive value of friendship (and Friendster). — Tobin Levy


Is the urban tribe a new phenomenon, or have you simply given a name to something that's been around for generations?
It's not new in the sense that this is an organic, natural thing that human beings do. In previous generations, people who lived in a city outside of a [traditional] family would form groups like this. It's exactly what you see in gay and lesbian cultures over the last century. In fact, the people who write about gay and lesbian culture have thought a lot more about the meaning of friendship and groups of friends than heterosexuals have.

How has the relative importance of friendship groups changed in recent years?
The difference with our generation is twofold. One is that many more people are living their lives outside of a family — particularly many more women. The second, and most important, distinction is that we're doing this much longer than any other generation. The difference between a group of friends that will exist for three years after college, and one that exists for thirteen years after college, is dramatic. With every additional year that you live within a social group, that group has a tendency to become more distinct. The roles people take within that group become more defined. The rituals become more ritualized and more meaningful, and the more likely the group is to continue into another year.

To buy Urban Tribes, click here.

?2003 Nerve.com.