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January 20, 2005
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1. You can't walk five feet anymore without someone going nuts about Conor Oberst. Just today the girl at the bagel shop called him "the next Bob Dylan," and my mailman said he was "blown away" by his "trenchant, gut-wrenching lyrics that make him seem like a precocious mix of Joan Baez and Leonard Cohen."
2. Okay, I'm making up the thing about the mailman, but still. People won't shut up about the guy.
3. I have to admit it: I'm having a tough time getting on the bandwagon. I think he's pretty inspiring as a story, genuinely decent as a human being, and he's got a neat haircut, but he strikes me as a bit of a guitar-pounder who never met a lyric he couldn't overwrite, and you can find a lot of those at an open mike near you. Something tells me without the neat haircut, he'd just be Conor, the guy serving me a Mochaccino in Omaha.
4. I feel evil saying these things. I mean, pop music is truly terrible. We should be bending over backwards to thank guys like Conor Oberst for existing. Who would we rather have, Ashlee Simpson?
5. I mean, really, it's probably just me. I can't handle young genius of any kind. I'm a huge jerk. Really.
6. Still, if some guy showed up at your house party and started playing heart-tugging songs like Conor Oberst does, you'd be like, "Who is this clown?"
7. Which is to say: musical genius is all about the context. Put Conor Oberst on Austin City Limits and it's like, "Wow, guy's a genius." Put him on the subway, and it's like, "Shut up, dude! I'm trying to read Harry Potter."
8. I'm probably just envious. Conor Oberst has done more by the age of twenty-four than I'd do with five lifetimes. When I was twenty-four I spent most of my time trying to watch porn on scrambled cable channels.
9. When Chopin was around, was there some idiot like me writing stuff like, "I don't get all the fuss!"
10. One thing that's cool about being Conor Oberst is that the girls who like you aren't those cheesy bubbleheads who are into Sugar Ray and Maroon 5. The girls who are into Conor Oberst are more like those long-legged, purple-haired girls you see on the train who are so comically pretty and stylish you can't believe they actually exist, and by the time you get to your stop you've actually courted, dated and married them in your head.
11. The reason some guys don't like Conor Oberst as much as girls do: every guy has had a girl leave him for a guy like Conor Oberst ? that is, a smart guy who pays attention to stuff.
12. But it's not like guys don't have their Conor Obersts, either. Guys are the worst ? we'll fall in love with any singer who's smart and cute. Who's that harp girl? Joanna Newsom? Geez Louise. I love her, and I have vacuum cleaners that sound better than that.
13. My personal Conor Oberst is Aimee Mann. Totally embarrassing, I know. Fifty years from now people will be like, "What the fuck is this?"
14. I was going to see Aimee Mann in concert not too long ago, but I chickened out. I didn't want to be surrounded by my pasty kind, standing there in our ripped jeans and Howard Dean T-shirts.
15. My new Conor Oberst is that dancehall girl M.I.A. She's amazing. In my fantasy life we've just gotten a new apartment and some kick-ass paintings.
16. If you're Conor Oberst, it's not like Natalie Portman is some kind of unattainable fantasy. It's actually real. One night she's at your show, grooving out. Then the next morning she's smoking a cigarette in your kitchen while you're calling your grandma to get her buttermilk pancake recipe.
17. Or if not Natalie Portman, at least someone like Maggie Gyllenhaal.
18. Cool rock kids like to be snobby about celebrities, but when you think about it, everyone took it pretty easy on Jack White for going out with Renée Zellweger. That's like the 2005 equivalent of William Burroughs dating Charo.
19. I've kind of had it with cool soundtracks like The O.C., Life Aquatic and Garden State. It's like, "Okay, okay, the director has eclectic taste ? would it kill you to pick a Bob Seger song?"
20. I told my friend I didn't like Garden State, and it was as if I told him his mom was fat. People are bonkers about that movie.
21. It took me a long time to warm up to the White Stripes, too, so maybe I'm going to have my Conor Moment later on.
22. Besides, it takes me a while even to listen to stuff. I finally got around to buying that Kanye West album. I haven't listened to a lick of Interpol, The Rapture or Franz Ferdinand. I did see a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt in Urban Outfitters, though, which really killed them for me.
23. It's exhausting to keep up with new music. Sometimes I think I should throw out everything except Stevie Wonder's Talking Book, and I'd be perfectly happy.
24. I wonder if some people pissed on Talking Book when it came out. If so, I would like to travel back in time and fight them.
25. For the longest time, I thought Conor Oberst's name was Bright Eyes. I still don't get the distinction, even though it's been explained to me forty-five times.
26. And I actually wrote a whole draft of this piece calling him "Conor Oberest." What a duncecap.
27. I didn't go see the Pixies. Life somehow moved on for me.
28. No one did it better than Fugazi. Does saying that really date me, in an awful, pathetic way?
29. Do you think Conor Oberst really can make buttermilk pancakes? n°
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? 2005 Adam Boyle and Nerve.com.
Commentarium (55 Comments)
great/perfect article! how could i possibly agree with you so much?? ... by the way, franz ferdinand DOES kick ass, even though i kinda wish they sucked ...
This article was hysterical.
hiLARious!
Mental Image of the week: "William Burroughs & Charo"
Good stuff...
I like this too
If I knew who this guy was, the article might be hilarious!
i didn't like garden state either. conor is smart and intense, but he doesnt make me wet. remember us 'normal' looking girls who arent thin and have blue blue. because we're of the same mentality. suicide girls irritates me, but that's beside the point.
conor doesn't make me hot, but he does write good tunes.
Thank you so much for writing this. I have two younger brothers who are absolutely nuts about Bright Eyes and Connor, and I've listened to it, and I'm just not seeing why he's being hailed as a great songwriter. I go through the same thouht process you did. Maybe I'm bitter? Maybe as a singer songwriter myself, I'm just jealous? Maybe I'm just rebelling against the hype? Maybe I'm not listening closely enough? Maybe I'm just a jerk? Maybe I'm just not getting it?
Doesn't matter though, because I don't think it's that great. I'm quite certain that nobody will give a shit in a few years. Remember Dashboard Confessional? Does anyone give a shit about him anymore? Wasn't he supposed to be the next Bob Dylan?
Awesome piece--just had to say well done...and, for the record, I saw this guy on Austin City Limits, with Wilco no less, and he looked more amateurish next to those guys than my boyfriend's band in high school.
There is something about him though....
fucking genius. i'm so sick of seeing this guy's face
hilarious. i think in 29 thoughts you've expressed how many guys feel about the big O... oberst that is. i might mistake you for "a smart guy who pays attention to stuff."
I think I'm in love with you.
Conor aint all that.
Maggie Gyllenhall however, hottie.
and I'm a girl.
and that joanna newsome reference... damn. you have your keyboard on the pulse of the hipster music scene.
and I salute you.
xo
I love Bright Eyes, but this was just great.
It also let me know I'm not the only person alive who didn't like Garden State, and that's a reassuring thing to know.
HA!
my ex boy friend calls me and invites me to go to a Bright Eyes show coming up, guess he's friends with this Conor Oberst and we'll hang back stage the whole time, so I say sure why not I don't listen to the guy religiously or anything. After reading this list I laughed a little, ok a lot, but I really found it intiresting. I'll have to keep reciting this in my mind until I meet the "apparently sexy Conor Oberst", and then laugh....
but the real point of me writing this is that I found it rambunctiously humorous, and I hated Garden State too by the way
You wouldnt know a great song writer if he bit you in the ass.
I have been listening to Bright Eyes for the the last four years. I hated to see all the bandwagon jumpers get
on the Oberst boat. I went to see Bright Eyes in the Twin Cities a couple of weeks ago and it was full of rancid teenebopers frothing at the mouth. I liked them better when nobody knew who they were. Now, you cant go into any music store without some kid next to you looking for the old Comandervinus cd's. Anyway, I think Conor Oberst is the best new song writer we've seen in many years.
Yes, the new Dylan of out time.
He may be young, but he sure has a lot to say about life. He is wiser beyond his years. The fact that his voice is so untrained makes listening to him all the better. There is no pretention in his words. He doesnt prance around or strut like peacock on stage, like other rock stars do. He gets up there,and sings for himself. He isnt "selling out" to make a buck.
He is not singing for you.................................
and Garden State did suck!
You're just jealous man. So am I. Just give in and love him.
Adamboyle you rock
Bright Eyes Rock!! You're pissed off because he's
getting "it" more than you!
Good call on the M.I.A. She's brilliant (and super duper sexy).
best thing i've read on nerve in a while. good job!
Ok - I started with your current posting and then couldn't stop reading them. I had to keep going 'previous, previous, previous' until I read them all. You made me laugh out loud. You write what I think all the time! You are awesome. I can't wait for the next posting!!!!!!
The article was very weak my friend, get over FUGAZI and embrace an artist that makes you think, an aberration in a world steeped in banality...
Your article is a minor threat,
NOS VEMOS
I don't think he would have made it this far if it weren't for his appearance. He is undeniably sexy, and I venture to guess knowledge of this irritates him.
Girls had a FIT this past year when he grew his hair to his shoulders because it wasn't "cute". That cracked me up, and I bet he lost fans over it.
And yeah, I was attacked for not liking Garden State too. Zach Braff's other movie "The Last Kiss" was awful too.
this was a very interesting read, i chuckled a lot on the inside while reading it.
So I just stumbled upon your blog/entry while looking up random information on Conor Oberst. I'm making a journal entry about him and contrasting my love for him with my boyfriend's love of Pete Doherty (we're doomed). I am totally that purpled haired girl (in my own way) on the subway and I do get the impression that guys like yourself are imagining entire relationships in the small amount of time that it takes me to get creeped out and pretend the next stop is mine. I don't think you said one thing about his "apparent sexiness" and that's probably because he's not really "sexy" at all. He's a poet and a romantic, and some people seem to get that or connect with it in some way. I don't think his haircut makes him any better/cooler than anyone else. I too adore Aimee Mann. And, I think that's all I have to say on this one.
I hope you know that everything you talked about had nothing to do with "the apparent sexiness of Conor Oberst."
However, I thought it was very intriging about all the things you commented about with some revalence to conor oberst. If you had an article in the paper, I would definatly read your collums:)
I like this. Especially that even though you said it was about Conor Oberst, it was mainly about you. Very tricky.
As a victim of lung cancer Conor's songs give me inspiration and humour.
selb
If you're going to going to ironically have a dig at things, or more specifically one thing, I would suggest that you write less in the first person, and try and find more that is relevant to your potential reader. It makes it a lot funnier.
And no, I don't really like Conor Oberst that much.
conor is a vegan, so therefore he would not make buttermilk pancakes
This comment may be nearly four years late, but still, thanks for this fairly honest list. I have a hard time explaining this guy to people, my older brother in particular who reviles Mr. Oberst. I only have one criticism.
"6. Still, if some guy showed up at your house party and started playing heart-tugging songs like Conor Oberst does, you'd be like, "Who is this clown?"
I think the problem you may have with his music is your assumption that he--or the people who actively listen to his music--would have a "house party" and that someone like him would attend and perform. This is the dichotomy created by Conor Oberst: I feel like most of his fans were ridiculed in their younger years while those who despise him and his work were not (whether or not they were responsible for the ridicule has yet to be decided). Think Will-to-Power on an elementary school playground, then fast forward to high school where Oberst's fans discover his highly personal and overwrought songs. This later leads to an overall introverted personality where one may acknowledge the overly emotional-ness of Oberst, yet still find an appreciation for his work.
This is a theory I've been testing out for some time and it seems to hold up to the Oberst example.
aww you're so jealous of Conor Oberst! hehe how sad
you're kind of a doushe
I never even knew there was hype about Conor or Bright Eyes. I just love how every song he writes seems to remind you of a certain feeling and a certain situation. He's a legand, and personally I believe the best song writer of our time.
you have to respect Conor's effort, though. that's what attracts me to him and his body of work. i read in the article "never met a lyric he could over write" and not only do i disagree, I've heard Conor say he feels "a song is never complete." Personally, I love that he doesn't repeat verses and continues to replace words w/ words throughout the entire song... the effort, though! his work is so consistent! and while I'm just getting use to a "new" recording, he is already preparing to release another! I'm a 23 year old male and I'll say this, I love the guy.. everything he writes speaks to me directly, and puts me in a place i love to swim. it's also my personal opinion that the guy is not human.
im so sick of people saying he is better than bob dylan. Thats just plain insulting to poor old bob who has been goin' at it for years! conor is okay but if you dont like his music don't force yourself to like it! elliott smith is always a good replacement! funny article tho...
Ha you suck dick man. Conor rips the shot out of anything you've ever done in life. Go stick your dick in your moms
Vacuum cleaner you 50 year old sack of condom shit.
Conor Oberst is probably the best composer of our times, within his music style. We may agree on that depending on individual music taste, one could say that Maynard James Keenan or Thom York are greater musicians but I think that what really counts at the time of really paying attention to anyones work of art is to feel his/her sincerity with what that person did. I, for example, listen to Steve Vai and all I see is technique for the sake of technique and no heart, just that cocky expression of "look at what I can do" behind his red glasses and the draft making waves on his half opened white shirt. Fuck that, I'd rather listen to somebody play a 4 chord song (wich, inthe case of Conor Oberst composing, is not the case) singing his soul out without fear of what people who would rather sit on their lazy asses and judge him on what his hair looks like. Peace.
who the hell is conor oberst?? fugazi rules...
i enjoyed this even though i really do love him and think he's really hot and has nice hair and his music is quite beautiful. You should really listen to more of him music before judging, he's great
I read something that is probably fake how Conor Oberst aggressevly tried to buttrape one of his fans and then got his fans number from a private investigator and called the guy and asked him to pee on the speaker phone while he poured warm water on his face
His creativity and lyrics make him extremely attractive.
He is pretty cute though in general.
Hey there
how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do
how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do
how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do
how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do
how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do
how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do
how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do
The fact fans and 'haters' alike are still commenting on this article six years after it was published speaks volumes of how Oberst's persona (as well as his music) has carried itself over time in the industry.
Whether or not you like what he composes and whether or not you find him to be a whiney, over-grown teenager, his songwriting is determined and still relevant to every high school kid who's ever been bullied, let down or rejected, even eighteen years after his first lyric. I've heard from fans all over the world that they consider Conor to be the best friend they never had, which is kind of creepy but with this and with 'celebrities' being so unobtainable, you can understand how an obession could grow and grow immeasurably, unil you start seeing blogs like oberstcult.tumblr.com, oberstingwithconor.tumblr.com and on a whole other level, the 'Conor Oberst Sex' book (shudder).
I truly think that without his music, Conor would just be okay-looking. A standard 6.5/10. I do believe it's his songwriting ability which has brought him to where he is now, not his haircut. I am also in admiration as to how he keeps his cool when there are a thousand 'long-legged, purple-haired' girls grabbing at his crotch every time he gets onstage.
Also, how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do
this is actually the worst article ever. no hard feelings.
haha aimee mann! calling his grandmother for the recipe ur too funny! i was reading what scott from punknew.org wrote on the band Brand New and i wondered why brand new my favorite band in the whole world would listen to bright eyes and then i started reading this i couldnt stop til i read it all even though i should b writing my essay on what it means to be educated right now! dude aaron u wouldnt know a good article if it slapped u in ur face!
I love this, it's hilarious. I'm also a strong believer that no one did it better than Fugazi and i didn't see the pixies. I am a big fan of Oberst and a girl and English but i get this down to the Franz Ferdinand t-shirt in Urban Outfitters and the pasty kind.
I despised Garden State and Franz Ferdinand are shit.
Franz Ferdinand by the way
ive been listening to conor for about seven years now .and he always amazes me. nowadays , theres hardly any meaning in any song made.and conor's lyrics are absolutely brilliant. he's definitely the best songwriter of our generation. and thats what makes him attractive.physically , he is attractive but thats besides the point for most girls .its his voice, and the way he arranges his words around a melody. being attractive shouldnt determine your success, its just a bonus for conor & i think you have to truly love music to understand that. he blows my mind .and i dont think most people give him the credit he deserves .he's so talented, and each album is different , but its still conor .i cant even imagine what goes on in his mind.but , everything he produces is truly amazing.
Now you say something