V history was made at this year's Tonys: the awards show got its first puppet-spewed epithet. The unhappily single kindergarten teacher Kate Monster sang, "Fuck, it sucks to be me!" as part of the number plugging Avenue Q, the Sesame Street-style musical about post-collegiate angst. The network bleeped Kate's curse, and only about eight people saw it anyway — the broadcast had just 6.6 million viewers this

promotion

year, the show's worst ratings ever — but when Kate and company went on to take the biggest award of the night, Best Musical, it was still a night to remember. Avenue Q scored one for members of the new Clinical Depression Era.

Q, which opened on Broadway in August 2003 and should have a long life there, has charmed theater-wary twenty- and thirty-somethings. Not in the hyper-sincere, rock-ballady fashion of Rent, but in a world-weary and occasionally pornographic way. (Naked puppets do have sex onstage, and loudly). Below is an excerpt from the show, in which Kate (pictured above, post-coitally, holding phone) plans a class lesson on the Internet, only to get a lesson of her own from the entire neighborhood. — Ada Calhoun

Scene 5 – Kate's Apartment
Kate Monster: (out, to the audience) Finally! I get to teach a whole lesson all by myself! And I'm gonna teach something relevant, something modern – the Internet! (sings) THE INTERNET IS REALLY, REALLY GREAT.
Trekkie Monster: (appearing briefly) FOR PORN!
Kate Monster: I GOT A FAST CONNECTION SO I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT.
Trekkie Monster: (appearing again) FOR PORN!
Kate Monster: THERE'S ALWAYS SOME NEW SITE.
Trekkie Monster: FOR PORN!
Kate Monster: I BROWSE ALL DAY AND NIGHT
Trekkie Monster: FOR PORN!
Kate Monster: IT'S LIKE I'M SURFING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT.
Trekkie Monster: FOR PORN!
Kate Monster: Trekkie!
Trekkie Monster: THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN
Kate Monster: Trekkie! What are you doing?
THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN
WHY YOU THINK THE NET WAS BORN?
PORN! PORN! PORN!
Kate Monster: Trekkie Monster!! Get down here!
Trekkie appears next to Kate.
Trekkie Monster: Hello Kate Monster.
Kate Monster: You are ruining my song.
Trekkie Monster: Oh, me sorry. Me no mean to.
Kate Monster: Well, if you wouldn't mind, please, being quiet for a minute so I can finish?
Trekkie Monster: Okey-dokey.
Kate Monster: Good. (sings) I'M GLAD WE HAVE THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY.
Trekkie Monster: FOR PORN. (SORRY)
Kate Monster: WHICH GIVES US UNTOLD OPPORTUNITY.
Trekkie Monster: FOR PORN. (OOPS, SORRY)
Kate Monster: RIGHT FROM YOUR OWN DESKTOP.
Trekkie Monster: FOR P --.
Kate Monster: YOU CAN RESEARCH, BROWSE AND SHOP.
Trekkie Monster: ----.
Kate Monster: UNTIL YOU'VE HAVE ENOUGH AND YOU'RE READY TO STOP!
Trekkie Monster: FOR PORN!
Kate Monster: Trekkie!
Trekkie: THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN
Kate: No! Trekkie!
Trekkie Monster: THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN.
ME UP ALL NIGHT HONKING ME HORN
TO PORN, PORN, PORN!
Kate Monster: That's gross! You're a pervert!
Trekkie Monster: Ahh, sticks and stones, Kate Monster.
Kate Monster: No, really, you're a pervert! Normal people don't sit at home and look at porn on the Internet!
Trekkie Monster: Ohhhh –
Kate Monster: What?
Trekkie Monster: You have no idea. Ready, normal people?
Rod, Brian, Princeton, and Gary appear.
Rod: Ready!
Gary Coleman: Ready!
Rod: Ready!
Trekkie Monster: Lemme hear it!
Guys: THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN.
Prinecton: Sorry Kate!
Guys: THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN.
Prinecton: I masturbate!
Trekkie Monster: All these guys unzip their flies for
Guys: PORN! PORN! PORN!
Kate Monster: The internet is NOT for porn!
Guys: POOORN, POORN ---
Kate Monster: Hold on a second!
Trekkie Monster: Wha?
Kate Monster: Now, I happen to know for a fact that you, Rod, check your portfolio and trade stocks online.
Rod: That's correct.
Kate Monster: And Brian, you buy things on Amazon.com
Rod: Sure.
Kate Monster: And Gary, you keep selling your possessions on eBay!
Gary Coleman: Yes I do.
Kate Monster: And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card.
Prinecton: True.
Trekkie Monster: But Kate… what do you think we do after, hmmm?
Princeton nods, guiltily.
Kate Monster: Ewww!
Trekkie Monster: THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN.
Kate Monster: Gross!
Guys: THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN.
Kate Monster: I hate porn!
Guys: GRAB YOUR DICK AND DOUBLE
CLICK FOR
PORN! PORN! PORN!
Kate Monster: I hate men!
Guys: POOORN
Kate Monster: I hate the internet!
Guys: POOORN
THE INTERNET IS FOR
INTERNET IS FOR
Kate Monster: I'm leaving!
Guys: INTERNET IS FOR PORN!

Music and lyrics by Robert Lopez and Jeff Marx; book by Jeff Whitty.
©2003 by Robert Lopez, Jeff Marx, and Jeff Whitty.
For more information or tickets, see www.AvenueQ.com.