Not a member? Sign up now
February 8, 2006
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
 |
Send to a Friend | |
|
 |
Printer Friendly Format | |||
 |
Leave Feedback | |||
 |
Read Feedback | |||
 |
Nerve RSS | |||
 |
|
 |
||
|
||||
here I was, sitting in front of the TV, eating a salad I painstakingly prepared for myself from the massive salad bar at Whole Foods — my secret ingredient? Egyptian Bean Snacks slathered in a little E.V.O.O. (Extra Virgin Olive Oil). Soooo crunchy and full of flavor! Mmm — and talking on the phone to an old friend, when I realized I had become my worst enemy. It happened right around the time I used the phrase "my boyfriend and I" for the third sentence in a row. On the other end of the line my friend seemed bored. "Mm-hmm . . . " she sighed. I was catching her up on a new relationship — my first real one in a while — and I sounded desperate for attention, enthusiastic, giddy, even. Basically, I didn't sound like myself (usually calm, sarcastic, cool, even). But I knew right away who I was subconsciously imitating, and that realization made me shudder. Really, it was beyond frightening. "Oh God," I thought, "I sound like Rachael fucking Ray."
In retrospect, maybe I wasn't quite that bad. I mean, I didn't use the phrase "my sweetie and I," right? I wasn't chuckling and babbling on about the oh-so-zany way my boyfriend likes to season his turkey burger. And I'd never, ever force him to take me ice skating in Rockefeller Center and then to split a frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity, gushing the entire time about how "romantic" the whole thing is. I'm not that annoying . . . or insipid . . . or lame. But, still, I was closer
|
than I had ever been before, and that brush with Rachel Ray-dom made me re-evaluate a lot of things. Okay, just one thing. Namely, where was my Food Network fixation leading me?
Allow me to backtrack a little. Ok, a lot. I've been into TV cooking shows ever since I was eleven years old, when I stumbled across a show called Biba's Italian Kitchen on the local PBS station one afternoon after school. Biba was an old Italian grandma who made vaguely Tuscan fare, lots of bean soups and hearty sauces. She was also an alcoholic, and therefore extremely fun to watch. At the beginning of almost every show, Biba would open a bottle of wine, pour half of it in a glass next to the stove, and gulp it down throughout the half-hour, pausing for the occasional refill. She would cook, too, but nothing would ever turn out the way she wanted, which is what usually happens when you're making lasagna totally drunk. My friends and I were spectacular losers, so we spent a stupidly large amount of time speculating about Biba's home life: her probably unhappy marriage to the husband she mentioned on air a few times, her possibly ungrateful children, her obvious homesickness for Italy. In short: it was a good time, and pretty soon I sought out other cooking shows to whet my appetite.
|
Hands are dirtied, tongues are relaxed, and, pretty soon personal lives and secrets are revealed.
|
Cooking on television has been called "food porn" from the beginning — ever since Graham Kerr, The Galloping Gourmet, massaged a glistening roast capon while intoning, "You can tell when it's ready by poking it with your finger." Not surprisingly, considering all the from-the-oven-to-the-counter "money shots," the food itself is usually taken to be the porn star — the thing that makes stomachs rumble, eyes glaze over and mouths drool. Hungry viewers tune in to get their fill.
As for me, I've never been that interested in the food itself. I don't cook, I don't bake and while I love eating food, I've never really felt an aching desire to watch it being prepared on television. To me, the TV chefs are the main draw of cooking shows, not because I feel anything aching about them, either, but because there's something intimate about watching someone cook. Hands are dirtied, tongues are relaxed, and, pretty soon personal lives and secrets are revealed. You feel like you're learning about the person as you're learning about how to make a roux (equal parts butter and flour, constant heat and stirring). It's like watching a very slow-paced soap opera, complete with lessons on how to chop.
Which brings me back to Rachael Ray. As she's quick to admit, Ray isn't a chef. In fact, she uses so many pre-packaged items — from store-bought pizza crusts to pre-shredded cheeses to canned vegetables — she's barely a cook. But Ray currently has four shows on Food Network, making her virtually unavoidable to even the casual viewer — 30-Minute-Meals, in which Ray "cooks" an entire meal in a half-hour; $40-A-Day, in which Ray travels from city to city gorging on cheap eats; and Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels, which, Food Network swears, is totally different than $40-A-Day. Ray also hosts Inside Dish, a show that could more accurately be called D-List-Celebrity Slobberfest With Rachael Ray. If you want to visit music-video-director Brett Ratner's favorite restaurant, or see what Raven Symone likes to cook up for Sunday dinner, this is your show.
All four shows are tied together by Ray's non-stop giggling, her over-enthusiastic tasting, and her nearly constant talking — most of it about her relationships, or lack thereof. When I first started watching 30-Minute-Meals, Ray
|
I don't hate Rachael Ray. Well, not as much as I could, anyway.
|
was apparently single, and judging by the way she would repeatedly suggest "you could make this dish for your honey, if ya got one!" she was pretty unhappy. Then, Ray started dating "someone special," and proceeded to talk endlessly about the things she would prepare for him. Last year, Ray got married, a fact she gushed about on all of her shows, and soon her husband was joining her on certain $40-A-Day trips, holding her hand, and generally making everyone (besides Rachael, whose Joker-esque smile was even wider than before) feel nauseous.
I don't hate Rachael Ray. Well, not as much as I could, anyway. In fact, I like watching her shows almost as much as I liked watching Biba's. It's fun to see her make hokey meals (like Uptown Down-Home Chili), and brag about her "sweetie," while wondering what she's really like at home (I suspect she's harboring some serious hidden anger . . . she has to be).
Actually, I'm kind of grateful to her for showing me how not to act when you're a single woman who's just coupled up. It's annoying, and kind of pathetic, to constantly talk about your new boyfriend — though it does make for riveting television. Otherwise, it's best to keep your relationship to yourself: Just shut up and eat. n°
| ABOUT THE AUTHOR: | |
 |
Amelie Gillette is a staff writer for The A.V. Club, The Onion's semi-serious entertainment section. Read more of her thoughts on high/low culture at avclub.com. She lives in Brooklyn. |
Commentarium (20 Comments)
Your style of writing was very fun to read. I differ from you though in the sense that I am obsessed with cooking to the point where I'm going to culinary school. I thought my friend and I were the only ones to realize how lonely she was until I read this article. That kind of sucks then, because we thought we were being a bit exagerated. Not to continue the gossip, but there was one particular episode where she was talking about how happy she was for her best friend who was getting married and her face told a different story. A bitter one. If you have any other sites you write for or even have one of your own, I would really be interested in reading more of your epiphanies.
-Edwin Castano
nice review - who knew Rachael Ray was such an annoying on-screen personality? I think there are two Rachael Rays, or at least two ways to experience her. I cook (used to professionally) and never watch cooking shows, but I read cooking magazines, and I love Rachael Ray's new magazine - it's one of the least pretentious cooking mags. ever. Her cookbooks are good too. My Mom, who also cooks and also doesn't watch cooking shows stole that magazine from me when I went home for Thanksgiving. It must her manner, because I think she's smart about food.
where's the bio for this writer?
Great article. That woman has always bothered me, so much so that my wife thinks I have an unhealthy obsession with her, but I just always found her absolutely unwatchable in a manner that is exceptional for a food show host. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who thinks the kindest thing to do might be to put her down.
Personally never been a huge fan of Biba but her contributions to the local restaurant scene and to the culinary world at large are worthy and deserving praise rather than ridicule. Your flaming description contradicts Biba's successes and courage that is celebrated in the face of adversity. Yes, she beat breast cancer - something you Ms. Gillette may confront in your future and not do as well. More obvious is your scathing remarks about Biba and Rachael point to your own inadequacies and bitter heart filled with anger, jealousy, and envy. But I digress with a bio excerpt about Biba for those readers not familiar with her:
Over the last 35 years, Biba has published seven best-selling cookbooks, hosted 100 episodes of her internationally syndicated cooking show "Biba's Italian Kitchen," and opened the top-rated BIBA Restaurant, in Sacramento. In 1998, Biba was chosen as one of the six national recipients of the prestigious Robert Mondavi Culinary Award of Excellence. In 1999, the Governor of California and the California Travel Industry selected her as Northern California Chef of the Year.
'nough said... biatch!
Lay the fuck off, bitch. Just because Rachel Ray is funny, infectious, knows how to cook, and has fun while doing it does not mean that you have to be bitter about it. Maybe if your "sweetie" learned where your g-spot is, you could be as fun as Rachel.
Give Rachel a break - yes she does push her sweetie a little too much but bright moments don't last forever - pretty soon(you never know) She may not be mentioning his name at all, especially after you wrote your article. I'm pretty sick of non-nativenewyorkers who are so ready to criticize people with both guns blasting the second they detect an inkling of unhipness. Rachael seems ok to me....she seems kind of sweet. Another thing you have to realize is that she is making a show for middle americans not "hip" newyorkers. She's not Anthony Bordain for Christ sake! what was she supposed to do with her boyfriend - go to see Echo and the Bunnymen and then have rabbit at le jardin?(good band and good restaurant by the way). If my gal had the power to get me through that overbearing line of tourists to get a frozen hot chocolat, i would consider that romantic - because that hot chocolat is one of the best goddamn things in the world! I doubt she's "harboring some serious hidden anger". you only said that to make yourself look better.......... p.s. - i am not Rachael Rays' husband - lol!i do think she's cute though.
Amelie Gilette is originally from Incest Idaho and now lives in the world famous "Brooklyn" or at least she's trying to make everyone think that it is. "There's so much more to Brooklyn than Welcolm Back Kotter Ma! I found my calling. I belong here!" She tries to conceal the fact that her father was an Ecuadorian Llama and that she grew up in a cave......She's a real city slicker now - the only problem is that even though she thinks she's really kool - she can't see through the bullshit - and probably never will. please don't stop thinking unoriginally gal. You Go Girl!!!!
This is by far and away one of the sharpest, funniest things I've read on Nerve in a while. That part about not hating Rachael Ray as much as you could is fucking genius. I feel the same way.
agree with you on the annoyingness. now, giada de laurentiis -- THERE's a hot, deliciously watchable tv cook! sexpotastic.
Rachael Ray is a piece of ass. Quit your bitching. You're obviously jealous of her fame, wealth, and beauty.
the key to enjoying rachael ray is moderation, in her words, "just a dab'll do ya!" and she certainly is a real cook, not like that semi-homemade woman. she makes cake out of a box.
Raquel Ray is simply a "hottie" and I suspect Amelie Gillette is jealous. Maybe if Ms. Gillette adopted some of Raquel's enthusiasm, she'd become more attractive to the opposite sex, there by enjoying some of Raquel's success both in her business and personal life.
First off let me say that Amelie I think you are beautiful, but at times you can be so dark and the glass is half emty at times. I am a male and I like to cook, but hate the clean-up afterwards. When I cook I don't measure things by using measuring cups or spoons I know by sight how much. I have been able to do this for many years and I can whip up a meal from thing I find in thr fridge. So I do know something about cooking. I do agree that Rachael does use a lot of packaged products, but thats the point. Her shows are about quick meals that working folks can put to gether in a hurry. That in fact is the title of one of her shows, "Meals in 30 minutes", I think she does a good job at it too. I think her chatter is cute and maybe she was lonely at one time, although don't see why she is cute and if had been single and younger I would have snapped her up in a second. She is the perfect woman cute, fun and can cook, what more could a guy want? I'm sorry that some guys have responded with negative comments about you and your comments, I know you were only doing a job of writting an artical. I could not do your job, for one thing I have never been good a spelling, my strong suits are math and science. I normally think you do a good job, but do at times disagree with you. So keep up the good work, but try not to be so hard on other people as their differences are what make life interesting.
Steve H
I am an "average American" and I used to like 30 Minutes Meals, RR was enjoyable and I learned a little with her, but ever since she found her "sweetie" she is just horrible, her "cooking" is bad and even her voice and maneirism are more and more annoying.
Rachel looks as tasty as some of her food. I would even lick the dishes.
ps Amelie, I would do you too!!
Rachael Ray needs to retire early and let some new chefs get a chance on Food Network or should I say the Emeril &Rachael Food Network! Spread the Wealth ! You've both have made way Too Much Money. And Food Network Clean Up Your Act! You've turned your network into a Three Ring Circus. What will you show next? Food Fights on the street!
i use to like rr 30 min meals. now i find the show annoying. i have tried to make a few of the meals, following the instr. to the letter and let me say that the food was discusting!! also 3 shows of rr is way too much. let someone else make a living as well...
Ms. Gillette,
Is profanity really necessary?
Hello boys, I am Sandra and I want to write my little commentary. I am want to place your text at my personal blog, with link to your blog. Is it normal for your? give to me your answer, please.
Now you say something