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Eight Vaguely Unsettling Online
"Did you ever watch that show, Dirty Jobs, and think, I wonder if any of
those guys are single?"
By Molly Horan
We're totally in favor of people finding love in whatever places they choose to look. That doesn't mean we haven't occasionally woken up in a cold sweat wondering what goes on on an Ayn Rand themed dating site.
1) Date My Pet
With a title that’s more than a little troubling, this site has three options: "Pet Dating," "Dating with Me,” and “Both” — and leaves the pet-less with so many questions. Is pet dating when you introduce your collie to her westie? Or when you and his St. Bernard take long walks on the beach? Is "both" a double date with Spot and Lassie nosing meatballs while you and your companion eat Italian, or some kind of swinger situation that pairs you with a ferret on Friday nights and his owner on Saturday?
A site that captures all the awkwardness of a first time. Only members can check out the profiles, and unlike many niche sites that encourage the services the title demographic as well as "their admirers," this site is only for virgins seeking virgins — no ruined women or deflowers allowed. How to keep the impure out? Wewaited conducts background checks. They must have one hell of a private investigator.
3) The Atlasphere
Rand's dictionary-thick novels champion the idea of every man for himself. The website acts not only as a dating site but also features articles discussing Rand's work and ideas. So you can read up on the importance of meeting only your own needs and leaving the poor to die, and then find a relationship with someone who will be equally awesome.
From the moment you log on to the homepage, you're hit with the pictures. Oh God, the pictures. Grown men and women in adult diapers, just hanging out. Which — nothing against consenting adults and their fetishes — is vaguely unsettling. This is the dating site that, more than other on this list, makes you ask yourself, "How the hell did these people meet before the internet?"
A site for those men and women who want their partners to be well-endowed. While this concept is hardly novel (check out Craigslist Personals), the paragraph-long disclaimer/description at the foot of their homepage is a amusing combination of sheepish and brazen. Reworded several times, the message remains the same: this site is for men and women who need intelligence, compassion, humor, and huge penises.
Have you ever watched that show Dirty Jobs and thought, hey, I wonder if any of these guys are single? If so, this is your site. Finding someone like-minded is a legitimate pursuit; what's really unsettling about this U.K. site is their choice of domain name. I'm sure they've disappointed many mud-wrestling aficionados — as well as a fair number with much dirtier fetishes. In both senses of that word.
A site where frequent fliers post profiles to help them find sex in airports and on planes. Just hope your parents don’t find your profile — you don't want to have to hear another lecture on technology destroying romance. "In my day, a girl would give her seatmate a certain look, and he'd know to meet her in the bathroom. You kids and your BlackBerries take the excitement out of everything!"
8) Stache Passions
Forget about common interest and shared backgrounds — this is the site for those who like their men with facial hair. Creepy facial hair. And while they have some of the most specific search options I've seen on any site (sixteen body-type classifications, eight options to describe your drinking habits) they don't have any way to search by mustache style. Which means you just have to wade through picture after picture, ‘til you find the handlebar of your dreams.