Eight Vaguely Unsettling Online
Dating Sites

"Did you ever watch that show, Dirty Jobs, and think, I wonder if any of
those guys are single?"

Ayn Rand

By Molly Horan

We're totally in favor of people finding love in whatever places they choose to look. That doesn't mean we haven't occasionally woken up in a cold sweat wondering what goes on on an Ayn Rand themed dating site.

1) Date My Pet
With a title that’s more than a little troubling, this site has three options: "Pet Dating," "Dating with Me,” and “Both” — and leaves the pet-less with so many questions. Is pet dating when you introduce your collie to her westie? Or when you and his St. Bernard take long walks on the beach? Is "both" a double date with Spot and Lassie nosing meatballs while you and your companion eat Italian, or some kind of swinger situation that pairs you with a ferret on Friday nights and his owner on Saturday? 

2) Wewaited
A site that captures all the awkwardness of a first time. Only members can check out the profiles, and unlike many niche sites that encourage the services the title demographic as well as "their admirers," this site is only for virgins seeking virgins — no ruined women or deflowers allowed. How to keep the impure out? Wewaited conducts background checks. They must have one hell of a private investigator.

3) The Atlasphere
Rand's dictionary-thick novels champion the idea of every man for himself. The website acts not only as a dating site but also features articles discussing Rand's work and ideas. So you can read up on the importance of meeting only your own needs and leaving the poor to die, and then find a relationship with someone who will be equally awesome. 

4) Diapermate 
From the moment you log on to the homepage, you're hit with the pictures. Oh God, the pictures. Grown men and women in adult diapers, just hanging out. Which — nothing against consenting adults and their fetishes — is vaguely unsettling. This is the dating site that, more than other on this list, makes you ask yourself, "How the hell did these people meet before the internet?" 

5) 7orbetter
A site for those men and women who want their partners to be well-endowed. While this concept is hardly novel (check out Craigslist Personals), the paragraph-long disclaimer/description at the foot of their homepage is a amusing combination of sheepish and brazen. Reworded several times, the message remains the same: this site is for men and women who need intelligence, compassion, humor, and huge penises. 
6) MuddyMatch
Have you ever watched that show Dirty Jobs and thought, hey, I wonder if any of these guys are single? If so, this is your site. Finding someone like-minded is a legitimate pursuit; what's really unsettling about this U.K. site is their choice of domain name. I'm sure they've disappointed many mud-wrestling aficionados — as well as a fair number with much dirtier fetishes. In both senses of that word.

7) Airtroductions
A site where frequent fliers post profiles to help them find sex in airports and on planes. Just hope your parents don’t find your profile — you don't want to have to hear another lecture on technology destroying romance. "In my day, a girl would give her seatmate a certain look, and he'd know to meet her in the bathroom. You kids and your BlackBerries take the excitement out of everything!" 
8) Stache Passions
Forget about common interest and shared backgrounds —  this is the site for those who like their men with facial hair. Creepy facial hair. And while they have some of the most specific search options I've seen on any site (sixteen body-type classifications, eight options to describe your drinking habits) they don't have any way to search by mustache style. Which means you just have to wade through picture after picture, ‘til you find the handlebar of your dreams.

Commentarium (12 Comments)

Feb 07 11 - 9:29am
Das Kapital

My eyes, my eyes! I'm f***ing blind!

Feb 07 11 - 2:23pm

This whole article:
Nothing against consenting adults and their fetishes, we're just going to laugh at you!

Feb 07 11 - 7:27pm

well this certainly has given me some ideas

Feb 07 11 - 8:06pm

Thanks to Nerve and my insatiable curiosity, I just watched a video of a man crapping in clear plasticwrap underwear.

Feb 08 11 - 11:56pm

Haven't we all been there?

Feb 09 11 - 5:26pm

oh, ms, I am SO glad you wrote that and spared me the pain of my curiosity taking me somewhere where I really, really did not want to go.

Feb 10 11 - 1:43am

Actually, on Stache Passions you CAN specify your mustache preference if you click the "groups" tab. There are 22 styles, including styles of stache and level of stache expertise.

Feb 10 11 - 12:46pm

As far as MuddyMatches and Ayn Rand goes you dears really need to become more culturally knowledgeable and better read. Not to mention more educated and tolerant.

If you traveled about the UK for any length of time you would understand how other cultures have their own idioms and slang, hence MuddyMatches. It's for folks who enjoy the countryside and would like to meet like-minded people.

Feb 13 11 - 8:08pm

kill 'em all...

"So apparently, a spammer managed to get an account with AirTroductions and spam about 10 of our members before we deleted the account. For that, we apologize. We're figuring out how he did it, and making sure it doesn't happen again. We're also sending a team to his house to have him, his family, and his extended family killed. Again, our apologies if you're one of the ten who got spammed."

Apr 01 11 - 4:51am

.. nothing on your list is as awkward as meeting someone through a bug-party fan fic message board.

Sep 30 11 - 6:14pm
all for laughs

i love browsing these websites. i was hugely disappointed by stache passions, the diaper thing was really creepy and i could never get date my pet to load. i love my pet!